I'm weird.. and I know it.

I've had this issue for as long as I can remember.
If someone around me starts acting differently, or I perceive that they are I start to worry. It throws me into a rather uncontrollable panic where I'm sure I did or said something and that they don't like me anymore. (Or in regards to my job, I'm about to be fired). I wish I could  point to some specific time or event and say " This is where that comes from" but I can't. I don't know why subtle changes make me freak out, I don't know why I am deathly afraid of people being mad at me. I am quite sure I've annoyed friends and family with my need to say something and get an " it's okay" before I feel better and can let it go.
This has come up a few times lately, with family and a friend of mine. I can't seem to make it go away.
I hate this about myself, it makes me a paranoid annoying person. If I say something to the person that I'm worried about, I look like a lunatic (which I am) if I don't say anything the feeling of panic continues and often gets worse until some other subtle gesture some how tells me it's all okay again. I also tend to be on high alert for such gestures and becoming a little crazier waiting for them.
I am a sensitive person, I admit it. I try to hide my emotions, which leads to me being pretty morose and miserable. I don't often feel like I can express my concern without looking like a clingy person. And I know I'm not really. I have only a few close friends, and I value them very much,, but I am not the sort of person that needs to talk to them all the time, or see them constantly to know they're my friends. Would I like to see them more? Sure, but our schedules just don't allow that.
I am sure this past year, I've been more than a little annoying. It has been one of the worst  years of my life. I've been smacked in the face again and again, I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel like I should hope for anything good, or to make plans because it won't work out. I'd love to go back to school but I can't afford it, I'd love to pay off my debt, can't afford that either, take a vacation? Hah. I can't even day a single day off of work without having to use PTO for fear of not having enough money to get through the next two weeks. And if it's a paycheck where I'm paying rent? Let me tell you, 200$ is just not enough for two weeks worth of gas, food and whatever else I might need.
I'm not trying to bitch, I'm just putting it out there. I'm tired, and worn out. I'm reaching a point where I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of being panicked, and scared and sick and whiny. I can say in most ways I hate who I am, and I hate my life.

I've got no answers and I'm not expecting anyone else to have any either.

Just needed to put this out in case people wanted to know.

The beginning

This is going to be the place for pictures and me talking about myself and my art.

Doodle of the day